Watch as he cripples before your eyes…

Because that’s what happens when you turn 30, right?

My man. My beautiful gingerbread man. You’re 30. You’re fer suuure an adult now. Which is absurd, because have you met you?

Have you met me? I’m dating a 30 year old man! That sounds so… grown up.

Omg. I’m only two years behind you. I almost an adult.

Like. A for real adult.

Not just some dumb bitch doing dumb things ’cause she’s in her dumb 20s.

YAYYY LIIIIFE TAKE ME WHEREVS YAYYYY!

And that’s me turning his birthday into a ME thing.

HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO THE JOLLY GINGER GIANT. I fucking love you more than all of the chocolate in the WORLD. I’D GIVE UP CHOCOLATE FOR YOU.

But we both know you’d never make me do that.

Or fucking else.

xo

 

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